Agh.
Why do we always subject ourselves to absolutely terrifying movies in which zombies/aliens/mass murders stalk you in the night?
When I was a kid I always thought that one day I’d get old and be tough and cool and be able to watch scary movies, really appreciate them, and then go to bed and have a nice big long sleep, without having to keep a light on or ANYTHING.
If you’re still a kid and you still think that, here is a pearl of wisdom from wise old Rose: If you’re a pussy now, you’ll still be a pussy later.
I know.
It sucks.
So for those of you who have read my blog for awhile, you might remember that last November, Ben and I went to see The Fourth Kind. And that on our way home, we saw this owl sitting on the lawn by my house.
Which is freaky, but you know what? At the time, the movie didn’t scare me all that much. The owl was a crazy and kinda freaky coincidence but I was still pretending to be tough and stuff.
Welp.
Last night, almost a YEAR LATER, I was scared.
There’s this owl that sits outside my window most nights and hoots incessantly, because it is very insensitive and cares more about scaring the shit out of mice (and me, incidentally) than about letting the people around it sleep like NORMAL creatures do at night.
Usually it kinda freaks me out but I manage to pull myself together and fall asleep.
The owl didn’t hoot for most of last night, but at around four am, for about half an hour, I had this dream that had a lot of owl hooting in it, and my dream started to take on a 4th Kind sort of aura and then I realized the hooting was actually happening in REAL life.
And I woke up.
And the owl kept on hooting.
And the longer I lay there, the more the hooting started to drill in my brain, and I couldn’t sleep, and it was dark, and I was scared to get up and close my window because WHAT IF I SAW THE OWL?
WHAT IF I SAW THE OWL AND IT HAD BIG FREAKY BLACK EYES LIKE THE ALIEN OWL AND I REALIZED I WAS GOING TO GET ABDUCTED????
OH MY GOD!
THE OWL WAS IN MY DREAMS.
THE ALIEN WAS IN MY DREAMS. JUST LIKE THE MOVIEEE.
Internet, I KNOW how crazy I sound. And my brain kept saying, “Rose. You are twenty. three. years. old. Get. a. grip.”
But I couldn’t.
I was terrified of this hooting owl.
I finally decided that I had to go pee, forced myself to get up, and stopped to visit Jada, our Rottweiler who sleeps on the landing. I was hoping she’d bring me back to reality but she is SO not your average dog. I tried to pet her and she just lay as still as a log, determined to stay as immobile and as fast asleep as doggily possible. And therefore she wasn’t very reassuring, just large and kind of boring.
She eventually mumbled something about how I should piss off already, and rolled, like, three inches away, because she was too lazy to roll any further.
ANYWAY.
Long story short, I went pee. (Actually, that’s exactly what happened. It wasn’t much longer than that.)
I closed the window while staring fixedly at the wall, because I felt like if I saw the owl, my life would be ten MILLION times worse and the alien would come for sure.
I turned on iTunes to drown out any remaining over-sexed owl hooting that might take place.
And then I lay down to sleep.
….
Ten minutes later it was 5:45 and the crows started cawing.
Yes, I am exhausted today.
