/ life

Sunny Walks

I am not making the most of my maternity leave... all I do is check social media and go for walks. When I could be reading more books (well I have read 2 and I’m halfway through 2 more, but it's verrrry slow going) or doing more technical stuff (I’ve done a bit but not much) or like... writing a novel (sort of joking but not joking? When I was a kid I always dreamed I’d be this amazing novelist, and it never happened and sometimes I kick myself for not just DOING it.).

But as usual, today I did more of the same: Walking and checking social media. We walked to the mall and wandered around while Peanut napped.

I looked at a bunch of books and read the backs of them without actually buying or properly reading any.

The weather was beautiful though. It has been a fantastic spring so far. So nice to just be out in the warm sun.

It’s weird how much time I spend with the little P. Like ALL my time. All day we are together. All night she sleeps right by my bed and I get up and feed her all throughout the night. And then in the morning, she is there too. It’s wild. Motherhood is the weirdest. It’s like I suddenly have an extra appendage. I know this is dumb and old news to most moms but god damn it is new to me and it’s blowing my mind a little.

I guess once she’s out of the baby phase she will feel less like an extension of myself and more like her own person. It’ll be interesting to see how that progresses.

I was thinking too about the whole “baby in womb vs baby in arms”... I was wondering, during the last phases of pregnancy, if I would miss feeling the baby inside me gently kicking and poking. I thought I might.

But I didn’t. Having a baby to care for took up all my time and I didn’t even think about it. And now that I’m 4 months in and have more time for reflection, I still don’t miss it. It was a fun time, but I’m just as happy having her here IRL.

The other funny thing to think about is making the connection between the P in my arms and the P in the womb... it’s like they’re two different people to me. I don’t miss womb P, but I do think... “dang that baby is gone and I have this whole other baby now.”

Anyway. No original deep thoughts here just new mom brain dump 🙃